Sexual Ethics Cliffs Notes
Many Catholics have little knowledge of what the Church teaches in all but the most basic elements of sexual morality. While I went to Catholic school from first grade through college, I remember next to nothing of what may or may not have been taught in this area from those schools. Occasionally I will touch on sexual morality during homilies, and I certainly try to go a little more in-depth with engaged couples preparing for marriage, but these couples account for only a fraction of our parish population.
The number one thing to remember when it comes to the Church’s stance on human sexuality is that sex is a gift from God. Catholics do not view the marital act as something “dirty” or a “necessary evil” in order to propagate the species. Far from it. In fact, the Church wants husbands and wives to be intimate with each other, and in theology speaks of “the marital debt,” which means that spouses have certain rights, and that one spouse should not be consistently denying the other for an extended period. (This obviously assumes both spouses are healthy.)
While human sexuality is a gift, and the marital act is meant to be enjoyed in order to bring couples closer, gifts can obviously be misused and abused. From God’s point of view (and therefore the Church’s), this gift is carried out in a healthy, non-sinful manner when it is between a husband and wife, married in the eyes of God, in such a manner where the act is done out of love for the other, making a gift of oneself to the other, and finishes in such a way that life can be generated. Finishing in the manner in which life can be generated remains the case even if there are fertility issues or the wife is beyond childbearing years. (Hopefully, I don’t need to be more graphic than that.)
Sexual relations outside of marriage (whether with another person or alone), the use of sexually explicit material in whatever form, the use of artificial contraception, and engaging in non-procreative sex are all considered grave matter, and as such are objectively mortal sins. Mortal sins must be taken to a priest in the sacrament of confession to be forgiven, and one should not receive the Eucharist before confessing. Remember too that one mortal sin drives sanctifying grace out of one’s soul, leaves one utterly vulnerable to spiritual attacks from the devil, and, if not repented from, are enough for a person to be eternally lost.
Sexual dreams or unwanted intrusive thoughts while awake are not grave matter, and very likely not a moral issue at all. On the other hand, deliberately generating and entertaining lustful thoughts are sinful, the severity of which depends on the duration.
The sexual drive is one of the strongest drives most people possess, and for those who have developed a strong force of habit of sin in any of these areas, it may take a while to break. For a time, it may feel like a battle, but it is a battle worth fighting, and there are great resources out there.
Additionally, we offer many scheduled opportunities for confession between our two parishes each week, and if these don’t work for you, you may make an appointment with us. While frequent confession may be in order for some, which for a while may mean weekly, keep in mind that for a confession to be valid, the penitent must have a firm purpose of amendment, meaning "I intend to stop committing this sin right now and forevermore."
It is sad that many Catholics are of the opinion that the Church should stay out of the bedroom. Please keep in mind that the Church is the teaching authority of Jesus Christ, Who gave her this authority, and much of her sexual teaching is taken directly from Sacred Scripture, including words straight from Jesus’s mouth.
If you are struggling to accept Church teaching in any of these areas, a good place to start is with sincere, persistent, humble prayers asking God to open your heart and mind to the truth as He sees it.
